Someone shit on the floor
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
