The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
