I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
