i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
