a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
