exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
