The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
