Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
