haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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