God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
sex in a hospital.. check
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
