Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
