By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
