The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
a search helicopter?!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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