Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
