guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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