Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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