To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
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Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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