I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
