my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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