I bet he comes in French.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
