i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
