The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
