do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
