then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize