you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
