trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
