Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
