I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
