I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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