Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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