I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Where is the hickey?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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