Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
