I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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