So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
