Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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