His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I intend to get homeless drunk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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