omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
