I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
