I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
