last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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