You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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