i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
