The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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