If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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