i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize