oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
im on a boat
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