i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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