We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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