p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
