I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
