As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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