YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
