I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
