The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
