She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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