Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
