Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
