i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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