I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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