i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
