Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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