Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
