I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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