Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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